That dog won’t hunt

Out here in fly-over country, many of our citizens enjoy a fly-over by a pheasant, goose, duck, grouse, quail thanks to the hard work of a fine four-legged hunting partner. Lead it properly and you have dinner. I have hunted over numerous dogs and can honestly say without reservation that hunting dogs (dogs in the AKC’s Sporting Group) are smart and beautiful.

Those of us who prefer animals from the sporting croup, tend to consider other dogs, dumb and ugly. From this background comes the phrase, “That dog won’t hunt.” It refers to an idea that not only won’t work, but it’s ugly as well.

Which brings me to the pack of Democratic candidates vying their party’s presidential nomination. To my liberal friends, don’t get all scratchy just yet. I don’t think the candidates are particularly dumb or ugly. Some of their ideas, however certainly qualify, especially here in the geographical middle.

Ideas that are dogs that won’t hunt (by candidate):

Former Mayor Pete Buttigieg, (Public displays of affection): The most tolerant and understanding people in fly-over country are uncomfortable with public displays of affection – gay or straight. Promoting discomfort is bad campaign strategy. Love is a private matter in the Bible Belt. Most don’t care who one loves, they care what one stands for. They are eager for everyone to have equal rights and don’t care for those who demand special rights. Tell them what you’ll do as president. One’s sex life is irrelevant.

Sen. Bernie Sanders, (Socialism): Ultra-liberal MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews is right. It doesn’t … work. If voters anywhere carefully studied his history, he would be out by now. There aren’t enough filthy rich people to pay for everything (anything) he promises. Sooner or later oppressed people will demand their sacred liberty. Both Mr. Sanders and the voters here know if he’s elected, those demands will be answered with bullets.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren, (Lies): She falsely claimed to be a Native American and accepted special consideration for college entrance based on that false claim which in turn denied legitimate candidates for such consideration. She’ll do poorly here, as she should.

Sen. Amy Klobuchar, (Free college): While she is not quite as extreme as her Democratic opponents, she still thinks the first two years of college should be paid for by taxpayers. She wants to expand existing college debt relief programs. She wants to increase teacher pay, but does not articulate how she will accomplish this. But it will have to come from higher taxes.

Former Vice President Joe Biden, (Misguided name dropping): The reason he can’t seem to break the top four is because he can’t seem to articulate a single idea about what he would do as president, except to reminisce about the good ol’ days with his buddy Barack Obama. A clue: many people here do not share his enthusiasm for the former president.

Former Mayor Mike Bloomberg, (Arrogance): Like other Democratic candidates, Bloomberg is banking on the message that only he can beat Trump. He boasts that he can be more insulting, more pompous and more arrogant than the White House’s current resident, and consequently can take the president down in a debate. Voters here will respond with: “Insulting, pompous and arrogant is what we DON’T like about Trump. Why in the world would we vote for a more adept blowhard?” 

Michael Sanborn writes from Rapid City.

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